Igniting Workplace Enthusiasm

Team Member Engagement

Controlling Team Members' Emotions

by Dale Carnegie

May 14, 2014
21
Comments
Strong emotions are both a cause and result of conflict. People in conflict have a variety of strong and often negative emotions. These emotions often conceal the issue in dispute. The emotions are real though and must be addressed for the conflict to be resolved comfortably for everyone involved.
 
Maintaining emotional control when we deal with relationship conflicts is probably the most important step, and the most difficult. People can reduce escalation of negative attitudes by learning methods to process anger, create healthy alternatives to destructive responses, and create dialogue to discuss the issue while maintaining control. Here are some actions to take when trying to maintain control.
 
1. Stop and cool off - There is little point in trying to talk through the issues when both people are upset. Give it a little time and let tempers cool down. Come together when each party has achieved some sort of equilibrium.
 
2. Have everyone talk and listen to each other - Make sure that nobody is hiding from the issue at hand. Keep everyone talking and expressing themselves honestly and openly.
 
3. Find out what everyone needs - Sometimes these dialogues can focus on complaints rather than developing solutions. Determine what everyone needs from the situation and strive for a solution where everyone's needs are met.
 
4. Brainstorm solutions - Everyone will have their own vision of an ideal outcome for themselves. The challenge will be to avoid forcing our solutions on the conflict situation and allow solutions to emerge out of creative thinking on everyone's part.
 
5. Choose the idea that everyone can live with - One of the ways to break from a negative conflict cycle is to find solutions that you all feel are fair under the circumstances.
 
6. Create a plan and implement it - To make sure that the conflict does not re-emerge, you must make a blueprint. Plan ways of working together that will keep emotional outbursts to a minimum.
 
 

Post a comment (21 posted)

  1. Phairut /

    Just a note to say Thank YOU Laurel! I just finished atdetning the Fabulous You workshop at Star of the North and I feel AWESOME! You are such an inspiration and your dedication to helping women feel worthwhile is admirable!! This was just what I needed and I feel like a new person thanks to you!! I cannot wait to get an opportunity to her you speak again!Cathy

  2. Phairut /

    Just a note to say Thank YOU Laurel! I just finished atdetning the Fabulous You workshop at Star of the North and I feel AWESOME! You are such an inspiration and your dedication to helping women feel worthwhile is admirable!! This was just what I needed and I feel like a new person thanks to you!! I cannot wait to get an opportunity to her you speak again!Cathy

  3. Phairut /

    Just a note to say Thank YOU Laurel! I just finished atdetning the Fabulous You workshop at Star of the North and I feel AWESOME! You are such an inspiration and your dedication to helping women feel worthwhile is admirable!! This was just what I needed and I feel like a new person thanks to you!! I cannot wait to get an opportunity to her you speak again!Cathy

  4. Alessandra /

    Andrew A. Sailer on November 23, 2010 First Off, let me commend your clraity on this subject. I am not an expert on this theme, but after studying your article, my understanding has improved considerably. Please tolerate me to snap up your rss feed to stay in touch with any incoming updates. Delightful job and will pass it on to friends and my followers.

  5. Alessandra /

    Andrew A. Sailer on November 23, 2010 First Off, let me commend your clraity on this subject. I am not an expert on this theme, but after studying your article, my understanding has improved considerably. Please tolerate me to snap up your rss feed to stay in touch with any incoming updates. Delightful job and will pass it on to friends and my followers.

  6. Alessandra /

    Andrew A. Sailer on November 23, 2010 First Off, let me commend your clraity on this subject. I am not an expert on this theme, but after studying your article, my understanding has improved considerably. Please tolerate me to snap up your rss feed to stay in touch with any incoming updates. Delightful job and will pass it on to friends and my followers.

  7. Janemeire /

    Good morning, Mr Connolly.I like your cemmont about explaining one's own perspective and inviting feedback being more effective (in terms of changing views) than attacking and arguing. So very true.If I were to add anything, it would be that maybe it's sometimes helpful to listen to what the other party has to say before launching into an explanation of one's own viewpoint. Just by listening we can often hear the other person realising the weaknesses, flaws or whatever in their own argument and organically moving more towards what we might prefer them to consider. It then makes it easier for us to introduce our way of thinking often in a more tempered way on the basis of having learnt something from the other person. This may be a way towards an appropriate compromise on both sides, where same is necessary.What I find saddening, is that people need to be told this and can't help but wonder if it is a reflection of the wider lack of respect in society. I think we would do well to study other cultures my preference here being the Austrians who are amongst the most courteous from infancy to the most advanced of years where respect for others,is at the very foundations of what they do, say, think an feel.Kind regards,L

  8. Janemeire /

    Good morning, Mr Connolly.I like your cemmont about explaining one's own perspective and inviting feedback being more effective (in terms of changing views) than attacking and arguing. So very true.If I were to add anything, it would be that maybe it's sometimes helpful to listen to what the other party has to say before launching into an explanation of one's own viewpoint. Just by listening we can often hear the other person realising the weaknesses, flaws or whatever in their own argument and organically moving more towards what we might prefer them to consider. It then makes it easier for us to introduce our way of thinking often in a more tempered way on the basis of having learnt something from the other person. This may be a way towards an appropriate compromise on both sides, where same is necessary.What I find saddening, is that people need to be told this and can't help but wonder if it is a reflection of the wider lack of respect in society. I think we would do well to study other cultures my preference here being the Austrians who are amongst the most courteous from infancy to the most advanced of years where respect for others,is at the very foundations of what they do, say, think an feel.Kind regards,L

  9. Janemeire /

    Good morning, Mr Connolly.I like your cemmont about explaining one's own perspective and inviting feedback being more effective (in terms of changing views) than attacking and arguing. So very true.If I were to add anything, it would be that maybe it's sometimes helpful to listen to what the other party has to say before launching into an explanation of one's own viewpoint. Just by listening we can often hear the other person realising the weaknesses, flaws or whatever in their own argument and organically moving more towards what we might prefer them to consider. It then makes it easier for us to introduce our way of thinking often in a more tempered way on the basis of having learnt something from the other person. This may be a way towards an appropriate compromise on both sides, where same is necessary.What I find saddening, is that people need to be told this and can't help but wonder if it is a reflection of the wider lack of respect in society. I think we would do well to study other cultures my preference here being the Austrians who are amongst the most courteous from infancy to the most advanced of years where respect for others,is at the very foundations of what they do, say, think an feel.Kind regards,L

  10. Rangler /

    Ah, i see. Well th'ats not too tricky at all!"

  11. Rangler /

    Ah, i see. Well th'ats not too tricky at all!"

  12. Rangler /

    Ah, i see. Well th'ats not too tricky at all!"

  13. Hugo /

    This in'thgiss just the way to kick life into this debate.

  14. Hugo /

    This in'thgiss just the way to kick life into this debate.

  15. Hugo /

    This in'thgiss just the way to kick life into this debate.

  16. Juliana /

    We have to remember that hspipneas doesn’t always have to be tied up in our successes. It’s found in appreciating all that we have in the here and now, not what we hope to have in the future. . LOVE this! Thank you for the short, sweet, words of encouragement!

  17. Juliana /

    We have to remember that hspipneas doesn’t always have to be tied up in our successes. It’s found in appreciating all that we have in the here and now, not what we hope to have in the future. . LOVE this! Thank you for the short, sweet, words of encouragement!

  18. Juliana /

    We have to remember that hspipneas doesn’t always have to be tied up in our successes. It’s found in appreciating all that we have in the here and now, not what we hope to have in the future. . LOVE this! Thank you for the short, sweet, words of encouragement!

  19. Arek /

    ask yourself often eiapcselly when feeling tense etc ... 'Am I allowing everything to be as it is ?' - which basically means ... 'Am I allowing THIS MOMENT to be as it is ... ' Applying this question to thoughts / feelings / situations / people etc has truly changed my life for the better ...and is a great anxiety buster ...the ego hates surrender ... the more we can surrender to what is - the happier our lives will be .. honest ! Thanks Brian for your gifts - you are an inspiration ! Happy New Year !! Here is to a fab 2010 .. http://bbvkij.com [url=http://zubugtkzexd.com]zubugtkzexd[/url] [link=http://xenaoxlfi.com]xenaoxlfi[/link]

  20. Arek /

    ask yourself often eiapcselly when feeling tense etc ... 'Am I allowing everything to be as it is ?' - which basically means ... 'Am I allowing THIS MOMENT to be as it is ... ' Applying this question to thoughts / feelings / situations / people etc has truly changed my life for the better ...and is a great anxiety buster ...the ego hates surrender ... the more we can surrender to what is - the happier our lives will be .. honest ! Thanks Brian for your gifts - you are an inspiration ! Happy New Year !! Here is to a fab 2010 .. http://bbvkij.com [url=http://zubugtkzexd.com]zubugtkzexd[/url] [link=http://xenaoxlfi.com]xenaoxlfi[/link]

  21. Arek /

    ask yourself often eiapcselly when feeling tense etc ... 'Am I allowing everything to be as it is ?' - which basically means ... 'Am I allowing THIS MOMENT to be as it is ... ' Applying this question to thoughts / feelings / situations / people etc has truly changed my life for the better ...and is a great anxiety buster ...the ego hates surrender ... the more we can surrender to what is - the happier our lives will be .. honest ! Thanks Brian for your gifts - you are an inspiration ! Happy New Year !! Here is to a fab 2010 .. http://bbvkij.com [url=http://zubugtkzexd.com]zubugtkzexd[/url] [link=http://xenaoxlfi.com]xenaoxlfi[/link]

 
 
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